What is the difference between non-monogamish and monogamish? What happened to monogamy vs polygamy? All these new terms are constantly popping up. Is one right or wrong? Does it have to be?

Why have we gone from this monogamous society to one that now often calls monogamy toxic? I would say monogamy is no more toxic than non-monogamy. If it works for those involved, then either can be healthy. And if a toxic person or people are involved then either will be toxic.

We live in a world of toxicity where we are constantly looking for the next best thing that will bring us stability, when the only stability we can truly find is within ourselves. I dare say we attract toxicity because we are in fact toxic ourselves. I can admit that. When I attracted men who were toxic, I was toxic myself. There are always exceptions to every rule so maybe you have been the exception, but I am generalizing in my thoughts here.

My desires are for a monogamous relationship. And yet I have fantasies of playing with my partner and others. Does this make me monogamish? Oh, wait or is that non-monogamish? Lol. I have no idea. I’m not sure yet if I could engage. Sometimes fantasies aren’t so fun after they play out. I am cautious of this, especially since I have a monogamous heart. But it also may simply be about the partner. One man I could share and maybe another I couldn’t even consider it.

I have always yearned for a man to desire me alone. To find what is special about me and cherish that. I want to find the man that sees a woman before him that he wouldn’t intentionally risk losing. There are some in the BDSM community that would say this is a toxic outlook. I dare say it is neither toxic nor non-toxic. It all depends on the motivations and people behind the desires.

There are some in the community that believe we need to resolve trauma to be non-monogamous. This may be true. Or maybe they have a monogamous heart, and for some reason, have come to believe that being healed and being healthy means being able to engage in non-monogamy. But does it?

What speaks health and healing to me is the person that knows who they are and can stand on it. The person that is poly or ENM and can say that is what they are and then be that. They can handle the emotions and situations that come along with being poly or ENM in an honest communicative and respectful manner. Or the person that is monogamous, and can say that is what they are, and then be monogamous. They can handle the emotions and situations that come along with it in an honest, communicative and respectful manner. I think you get the point. Because there are also people that can completely handle being non-monogamous with one partner and then monogamous with another partner. This sounds healthy to me, but again, if the person is toxic then toxicity will follow.

So why do we always have to be right? Can we just have a desire and stand on it while also respecting that others may have the opposing desires? Can we be open to holding the space for both to be healthy if coming from two individuals that know themselves and are standing on what is right for them?

Well, I have no idea if you can do that. That is for you to decide. But for me that is how I see it. So be monogamish or non-monogamish or whatever suits you and your partner/partners and let’s just have fun, be kinky and get the most out of this already complicated enough reality.

Until Next Time,
Jill