The fantasies in my head, since I was young. Gang bangs and glory holes, being used like a living doll without choice over what happens to me, a set of holes. Being made to take strangers and follow directions. The list goes on in my deeply depraved mind. When I met you, all I had was the thoughts and fantasies that played out in my head over and over again, so far separated from reality. After 35 years of living inside my mind, in a life that had me believe my desires were evil, an addiction, unhealthy. Years of repressing them, fighting them, trying to ignore them. I had convinced myself that this part of me was undesirable, in fact, deeply disturbed in need of help.
Are we meeting in our mutual dysfunction? Are we aiding each other in addiction? Encouraging a life that is unworthy to society? Mmm, but why does it feel so right? Tell me Daddy. After our serendipitous discovery of one another, our parking lot rendezvous and our unintended contract of the minds, a door had cracked open. The light that came through it was warm and inviting. A war ensued in my being, shut that door! Oh but, I can’t! My stifled state of life was painful, the fight it took to keep it stuffed down and hidden was exhausting and made me weary. I suddenly became harshly aware of this dilemma inside me.
As I reached for the cracked door I watched myself either plant my palm onto the center of its hard wood and slam it shut, or reach for the handle and pull it wide open. An entire scenario in my mind, two paths presented played itself through as if I had allowed hours to pass to reflect on them and choose. Only in the time it took me to lift my hand from my side, take one step toward the door and touch it, I grabbed the handle and swung the door wide open. The light consumed me completely. It lit up the darkest corners of my mind. In an instant they would be seen and set free. This is all of me. I could have never predicted where this was all about to lead, how deep we were about to go.
A couple weeks after meeting at the coffee shop, you invited me to join you to watch a gang bang together. I was so young in the lifestyle that I didn’t even know there were places that people were allowed to do that! We barely knew each other, save the two weeks we chatted online, met for coffee and had you take me in a way nobody had ever before. Claimed my ass in a way nobody had or could ever again. I was nervous but I felt so protected by you, walking me into the back of this place with my hand in yours. I felt you as you safeguarded me in front of all these strange men that now had their eyes on me once we walked in. We sat down on the leather couch in a large open room where a woman was getting fucked on a round ottoman on her hands and knees. A tally written on her ass in sharpy. “That’s all the loads she’s taken so far.” you said to me. “Oh wow.” I said, glancing around the room at all the men watching her.
We sat for a few moments to watch and you, eager to be inside me, grabbed my hand and asked me to come with you. We walked through narrow corridors with the distant sound of porn playing and the gang bang in the other room behind us. We walked into a little booth with porn playing on a small screen and a tiny bench on the other side. When you shut the door, I caught quick glimpses of a couple men that had followed us back, their look of longing, even a tinge of envy that you were the one shutting the door with me behind it instead of them.
With just enough standing room to be plastered together, we stood face to face, watching porn out of the corner of my eye behind you. “Mmm, I’m going to fuck your ass.” you say, growling at me. You swiftly spun me around and I started unbuttoning my pants, with only enough room to slightly bend over and plant my hands on the wall. I could already feel how hard you were against my ass in your jeans. I heard you unbuckling your belt and you ripped down my pants below my ass and suddenly the tip of your cock was pressing into the entrance of my tight little asshole. I was so mindful of the guys listening to me outside of the booth and I tried hard not to whine too loudly when you slid your cock deep into my ass. Your cock stretched me so quickly it left me no restraint but to let loud moans leave my lips against my will.
By the time you started pounding into me, I could no longer think about who was listening to me in the hallway and all I could do was take you, screaming. “You’re my little anal slut aren’t you?” you say in a breathy, groaning voice right into my ear. “Yes.” I say quietly in a moan. “Yes what? Say it louder.” I can feel your breath in my ear with your command, fucking me in a steady rhythm. “Yes, I’m your anal slut!” I quickly became keenly aware that I said it loud enough for everyone to hear. I felt a flush of embarrassment that was immediately replaced by a hard pounding that took me back out of my thoughts. Your moans in my ear changed tone and I knew you were close. In a few short hard thrusts you cummed deep inside me, both of us breathing heavy and trying to pull our pants back up in our tiny booth.
When we opened the door to leave there were at least half a dozen men that had followed us over and stood in the hallway to listen to me. I felt a sudden flush of embarrassment but even more, I was so turned on at the thought of them hearing my admission to you, “I’m your anal slut!” played in my head as I walked past them, eyes lusty and undressing me. I can try to describe what happened to me in this moment with words but it isn’t so easy. I was yours, these men looked over you begrudgingly as you took my hand and walked me through the narrow hallway of needy men. They wondered at you, as did I. Submitting to you in this way, in this place, a place that would be so full of danger for a woman by herself. Your bravado and masculinity was sexy and intoxicating. You had me for yourself and these men couldn’t touch me unless you allowed it. I found myself letting go of worry, with a deep and sudden knowing that you beheld what was best for me, a trust was being forged. A bond unexpectedly conceived.
Leading me with my hand in yours, your grip felt like a forcefield that kept the men from being able to leap at me. You brought me back into the room where the woman was still kneeling on the round ottoman. The men from the hallway followed us back into this space. “Sit down.” you commanded me pointing to the couch. As the room filled up again, I felt everyone’s eyes on me as if I was the one naked in the center of the room, but I was still fully clothed. I was mindful of not wanting to take the attention off of this woman fulfilling her fantasy but there was nothing I could do, especially when suddenly you unbuttoned my brown jeans and slid your hand down my pants. Before this moment, I had only ever had eyes on me through a lens, anonymous, fucking myself on camera, safe behind my computer and just moments earlier, behind a door where they could only hear me.
With your cum still leaking out of my ass, you fingered my soaking wet pussy as it made an audible sound as you penetrated me. I kept my eyes on you as if to erase all the others watching you finger fuck my pussy and rub my clit. I looked over at the woman who was giving this man head as another stepped in behind her to fuck her pussy. I let out a soft moan and opened my legs a bit wider for you. I fantasized of you holding me on a leash and commanding me to take whomever you would allow to touch me, at your will and not my own. Kneeling on that ottoman in her place, under your authority. You fingered me until I came while I observed and wondered in my own mind. Everytime I dared to dart my eyes around the room I quickly came back into the reality that these men were actually in front of me in person watching me, wanting me. This was a reality that my mind hadn’t quite been able to fully comprehend.
A man suddenly sat next to me stroking his cock which snagged me even deeper into how real this space was. He asked, “ Are you here to play?”. I tried to answer him but before I could even form a word you answered, “No she’s just here with me” you said kindly but sternly, still with your fingers sliding gently in and out of me. I looked at you and bit my lip and moaned. The sound of how wet I was for you was impossible not to hear. I faltered between the two realities, one where I was scared to have everyone watching and the other, lost in the pleasure of you inside me and with me. When I focused on you, they all disappeared. When you answered that man, our energy shifted, I knew then I was yours to offer to others, or not. The control over what happened to me wasn’t mine to give anymore. This should have scared me but somehow it’s what I knew I always wanted in my deepest depravity and felt deeply comforted. You granted me my freedom with your protection, safety and endearment to my slutty desires. You heeded to your need to own me and I to be owned. I am a slut for you.
